A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
