I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
