Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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