Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
