Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize