Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
