consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So many bounce houses so little time
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
