I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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