No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
