ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
