just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
