I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
