you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
