you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
