She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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