I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
