for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
