I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
