pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
