yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
