Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
do nipples grow back?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
