You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
