she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
