Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
