I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
