peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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