Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
