I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You took a bar mat shot.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
