So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
