is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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