I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
