u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
