my sisters under your porch take her home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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