What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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