I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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