you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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