wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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