tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I understand Curling. That high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
