before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
