During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, beer. Big fan.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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