M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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