Don't make out with my wife yet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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