Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think my moral compass just broke
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
