Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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