are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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