This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
