I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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