Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
