I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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