at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
this hospital has no fireball
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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