I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
