So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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