he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
