even my farts smell like vagina
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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