your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
