i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
