3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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