I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
