i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
