So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
