It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
