Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's rum buckets o'clock
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
