is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
