somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
