"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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