Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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