why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Found the puke drawer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
