Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
should my penis look like a turkey
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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