I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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