I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
