omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
