you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
