That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
