I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
