Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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