so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
